I still remember everything. Every ounce of pain that ever shifted my bones. Every breath that never occurred. I remember how I laid awake for months. And I remember every tear that left my body. The 'Taylor' that used to be, has never made her way back to this body. It's just someone who thought she could be like I was. Back when you were always waiting for me, after school. After practice. In the mornings. On the weekends. You were always there. Just to tell me goodnight. I remember it all. I remember you, Matty. I remember you. But do you remember me?
I miss you everyday. Some days more than others. Like tonight. This will be a long restless night. The tears overwhelm me. It's been a long time since I've missed you like this. Lately my nights have been more lonely then they've ever been. But it's okay, because I know you're there. Somewhere. You're there.Three years is a very long time. I last spoke to you January 4th, 2008. 1104 days ago. God damn, do I miss texting you during math class and at lunch. Coming home from school and talking to you ALL night. Or waking up extremely early in the morning, just to see that you've left me a sweet "good morning".
Everything is so different without you and with every passing year, my life progresses. I'm not in the best position, at the moment. I have personal issues that I'm working out, within myself. I have school issues. And bad, bad habits that I need to kick more sooner than later. But other than that stuff, my life has been pretty great. I'm traveling a lot more, now that I'm older. Hopefully I'll be making a trip to London soon. I remember when you told me about taking Beth out, to the Ferris Wheel on the Thames, and the river boat ride. I would do that, just to know that maybe, you've sat in the same seat as I would be sitting. Possibly walking the same path that you once walked.
Rob and i don't talk anymore, pretty much at all. I miss him, a lot. And your dad too. I feel like they were my only connections to you and they too left my life. I was hoping to one day, go and meet them both. That would be wonderful. I wish I could say "things feel like it's a big dream". But they don't. This pain, is real. This absence in my heart, is real. You're absence from the world, is not a dream. No nightmare could stir up the amount of feelings that shake my body when i think of you. To sum it all up; I miss you. Every day. Every second. I would kill to have you back. Come visit me in my dreams, please. This is all for now.
See you soon, darling.
I love you, always.
