Wednesday, January 13, 2010

So far away.

Two years.....


Two years you've been gone.
104 weeks.
730 days.
That's a long time.


Your pictures is on my wall. I look at it all the time. I wish you were here to see who I've become. To see my accomplishments. I wish you were here to become something more, for yourself. You would've changed the world. You're heart of pure kindness would've changed things. We once had a conversation about how we wouldn't want to go on without being in each others lives. Things have changed. I know you would want me to be happy. To go on. You're my main inspiration. The reason i'm furthering my life. Living life to it's fullest. 


I wrote this a few days ago...


I never asked for complete happiness. I never wanted it. I knew what happiness was, it was two years ago. You were taken from me. I still think you're there, and then reality hits. You're gone.


I've met someone. You'd like him. He makes me as happy as you once did. He treats me how someone should be treated, how girls dream to be treated. I smile, and mean it. I know how it feel to be truly loved now. To be truly in-love. To never want to be apart. It's breathtaking and i'm honestly happy. But there's always been something missing. I finally figured out what it is.


It's you.


I no longer feel you touch my outstretched hand. When I fall, you step back and let him catch me. You let go, you gave me away.. You're gone. Completely gone. 


This was the best thing to do. I can finally be happy with someone and with myself. Thank you for always believing in me. Thank you for always staying in my heart. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being part of my life.



 But I no longer cry at night. I don't feel pain for you because you don't feel pain anymore. In my heart, you've led me to this place...this is where i'm meant to be. You've driven me into his arms. Thank you, Matty. I just wish you were here to see my smile, and smile with me.


I love you always....

2 comments:

  1. this made me want to cry.
    it's ironic too, that i read it right after i wrote goodbye.
    both about similar things.

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  2. You are so much better with words than i will ever be. Just reading the first few lines made me cry. Writen from the heart so much emotion. As you know Matt was like a brother to me. We grew up together God i miss him so much. If it was not for him i would never be where i am today. He made me believe in myself taught me to read and write stood up for me when i was being bullied at school. Why is it that all the good people get taken i'm sure it's for a reason. I miss you Matt.

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